TalleyTV Arrested for “Chillaxing”

Despite this being poorly written, I wanted to re-post it here. 2 Fr33 Agents are mentioned!

This article was originally published by the Free-Hater News Dec. 23, 2011:
Boom! Two Arrests Before Annual Christmas Party!

Keene, NH – So I walk into Judge Arnold’s courtroom, and that monster Ian Freeman is sitting there for a hearing about Thomas Ball*. His Free-Stater loons were all sitting behind him so pathetic, but wait! No cameras?! “Hell yeah,” I thought. I put on my toughest game-face and pointed with my mightiest finger and walked with my most German march and told them if they don’t remove their hats or stand for the judge, they’ll be arrested. They think they’re hardcore, sitting there looking stoned and motionless. John** walks in, the free-stoners remained seated, and I asked him if I could arrest them. He said yeah so you know the fun is about to begin!

I went over to go put cuffs on these people but then realized I couldn’t possibly arrest all of them at once, as strong and agile as I am. I called for backup and my buddy came and helped me block these guys into a corner. Some of the wimps threw up their hands and said they were leaving under duress and made stupid comments about how WE should be respectful! Can you believe it? I mean these people seriously have the gall to come in and disrespect my friend John like that and nothing’s gonna happen? Not on my watch! I’m what the taxpayers want. They want me there to make sure this baloney like wearing hats indoors doesn’t fly. Happy to help, taxpayers.

It was pretty awesome arresting these two. The one guy and girl thought they were sooooo cool ’cause they didn’t have to stand up when John walked in the room. Like they were just going to relax and just make themselves at home sitting there ignoring everyONE and everyTHING in the courtroom. What’re you doing there if you’re not going to follow the rules? You’re gonna get thrown out. Duh.

The guy called TalleyTV weighed about 180 lbs and was built like a brick outhouse. The wimpy baby got down on the floor and I dragged him across the floor through the courthouse to a paddywagon where I waved goodbye. The girl called Kelly Voluntaryist had no problem walking herself. I don’t know how such a pretty girl learned to be so disobedient. Both of them are part of some website called Fr33 Agents. Sounds like a bunch of dissidents who need me to put ’em in their place.

Well, crazy day, but it looks like I won my bet with the other bailiffs***. One day I’ll have enough saved up for that penis enlargement surgery, and I won’t need this job to get my kicks. Until then, I’ll see you in court!

Tebo Baggins

Head Writer and Editor of Free-Hater News

Notes for non-regular readers of Free-Hater News:

*(that guy who lit himself on fire in front of my courthouse) — See other blog post: “Freeman seeks Freedom of Information: Denied LOL!!” – Dec. 22, 2011

** John P. Arnold, Judge Superior Court Keene, NH

***Regular readers of my blog, “Courtroom Fairy Tales and other Violent Romance Stories” may recall my bet with the other bailiffs that I could make 2 arrests by Christmas. – Dec. 1, 2011

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