Day 6 – May 12, 2012

Wow, this place is interesting. I’m glad I wasn’t called for kitchen duty like my cell made Joe was earlier today at 5 AM. Not only do I get more time to sleep, but I get to write more. It’s harsh to wake up to clanging doors, the barked orders of officers, and the flash of all the lights in the cell block being clicked on at once. I had an interesting conversation with the provider of the pad of paper, “Federal inmate” John Davis. He is bright but his gift of mechanical innovation is not value by the people who call themselves the government because he altered a shotgun (his own) without reporting the change to Big Brother.

He revealed to me that an August publication of The Keene Sentinel wrote the words of Superintendent of CCHOC Rick Van Wickler that the jail receives $105 day for each Federal Inmate he houses, paid for by the U.S. Marshalls. Each inmate costs roughly $6 a day to house, he said, meaning a profit of $99/inmate, when at least 20 Feds are being housed here at any time. Though I’ve seen other Feds in D-Block, for some reason John Davis is treated differently and is put in partial segregation in R-Block, only permitted to communicate with others when out of his cell, which is 7AM – 12AM daily. He was told that he hasn’t done anything wrong, but that it is the policy of the jail – a new unwritten policy. Others (Goodchild) have told me that they have filedgrievances and have been punished for “misuse of a grievance form” even though the complaint (no outdoor area) us totally legitimate.

I find it interesting that people like Matt Higgins exist, by that I mean people who are happier inside a jail than out. My goodness, what social conditioning can do! He told me he had anxiety on the outside because every day he would wake up and have to figure out his day. In here, he says, he doesn’t feel that burden of responsibility. It’s like Aldous Huxley wrote, he’s been conditioned to love his slavery. He is here for 13 months for the “crime” of driving without a license.

John Davis and some others have told me about a man who needed his medication and got upset and impatient. He banged on the desk until he had broken the bolts right off and to this day, there is still no desk. The guards and superintendent came and told him that if he would calm down they would get himhis psychiatric meds. Well they ended up tasing him and putting him in segregation where he still awaits prison for charges arising because of that night. He had only come in on the charge of driving without a license, a victimless crime, but because of his detainment and the level of force used, the general situationfor everybody was made worse – the jail guards, him, the taxpayer, etc.
I feel fortunate in that my cell mate Joe says that I can have his radio in 9 days when he leaves. It appears to be the “old style” that fed Ryan from D-Block told me about – digital with presets – rather than dials. It seems like contraband and stuff is not a major issue around here – not as in “it doesn’t happen” but as in “the guards don’t care to flip everyone’s room upside down to look for an old radio or deck of cards without a receipt”.

I’m wondering if the fact that I wasn’t called to work in the kitchen has anything to do with my answer to a question posed by one of the cooks yesterday. When asked how I like working there in the kitchen, I paused and replied “I don’t know how to begin thinking about how to answer that question.” (Royal Tenenbaums) I went on “It’s okay – I’m not complaining – I like the music, but I’d rather be writing.” That was met by a short bout of silence as we all continued our work. I wish they would let Josh work in the kitchen – I know he would love it. I miss him and our kitchen. Okay, time for a game of cards while I try to digest this high fructose infested meaty meal. Bleh! =l

Oh! And I’m grateful to Joe for offering me the jail coffee cup he ordered off the canteen because now I can drink water. Before, I wasn’t getting enough hydration because I had to rely on the messy and annoying and uncomfortable spicket in the cell. Using a cup is a luxury here. =D

A crazy boy who was charged with simply assault has left today – strange that a simple assault charge would spend just a few days here and my victimless crimes land me in a cell for weeks. I’m curious as to why I have not been given access to the law library yet. I filled out the request form 2 days ago! Woo, I took a nap after lunch and just woke up for a “head count” which, during the day here means I am locked in my cell from 2:30- 5PM. It is a wicked nice day out today – like 70-80 degrees and not a cloud in the sky; the kind of clear majestic blue where you can always see past the atmosphere and right into boundless space.

Wow! So I was just told by Mr. Jailguard Griffin that the jail has no more thumb drives, and if I want to file a motion, I have to write it out and get photocopies at the cost of $.50 per page! Hah! Amazing. This comes just days after a flood of grievances were filed complaining that this place was breaking federal law left and right. Does tyranny have to makeitself so obvious?! What I willdo to circumvent this snag in my plans is to make 2 handwritten copies of my motions, keep one, and send one to the KAC, where my activist friends will scan it and post it online as well as make 2 photocopies to send to the judge and city persecutor. I will repeal this process as needed. Ugh – the “justice system” in 2012 – what a joke !! =D

This place is a whole different type of wake up- call One of the workers here told me I was naive because I argued that entrepreneurs seek opportunities to trade with others in order to amass wealth whereas the people who call themselves “the government” by contrast, simply demand money without the consent of the party receiving the service. Then he said that the consent is given by living here – hah! OMG, how many times must these fallacious arguments be defeated? A lifetime? There’s got to be a more efficient way. I’m really proud of myself for not buying and snacks from the canteen. I am hungry and the sun hasn’t yet gone down, but I just forced down 24 oz of water instead of food. I don’t know it it’s the satisfaction of knowing I’m not taking in empty calories or simply not rewarding the commissary company’s relationship with the jail, but it makes me feel pretty good to endure without purchasing extra food. Hopefully it will make it easier for me to burn away the flab in my tummy and build up some sexy abs! =D

This schedule really doesn’t jive with me! Joe (my roommate) just shared with me that on the outside he typically sleeps from 10-11 PM – 4=5 AM. Whoa! What? Any adult going to sleep at 10 PM, are you kidding me? Anyway, in case the reader doesn’t know I am used to sleeping from 5-6 AM – 12-1PM. My dilemma is that I am WIDE awake and Joe is tired and has been lying down for about an hour in darkness. I can’t really do anything besides write because he is a very sensitive sleeper and won’t be able to sleep if I’m making any noise – oh and great – he says he is really cranky if he doesn’t get enough sleep – why is that always the case with people who are light sleepers? I call it being needy, but eh, I’ll lie here and try to adjust over the next week until he’s gone.

I’m feeling extra energized because I know the KAC is doing Karaoke – I used to look forward to it all week. I’m glad my mother stressed to me the value of practicing writing in cursive because I am writing this in the dark and I know it would be impossible if I had not done handwriting exercises. It just so frustration – I can’t even read until I fall asleep.

Seriously – ugh! I feel so trapped. I like my roommate Joe a lot but when I was in a cell by myself in D-Block I was one of the rooms with my lights on until like 3 in the morning as I read books and did push-ups and sit-ups. Now I just have to stay here in this bed, nearly motionless except for my pen moving in near pitch black darkness. Blech! It is nice to at least have a pen so that I don’t have to strain my wrist like with a pencil, plus it’s slightly quieter than a pencil and it doesn’t smudge. I’m also grateful to my 4th grade teacher for helping me get into the habit of writing in cursive. It helps with guide stream of consciousness writing. Damn, I can’t even write as I lean back on my pillow because the ink stops flowing. One thing I am looking forward to the most is having a chicken cheese steak from the Bread Board with my aunt. She’ll turn 94 in just a few weeks and I’m very excited to celebrate her life. She has been a limitless source of joy and strength for me – even helping me to not commit suicide when I was at my lowest, though I wouldn’t know how to tell her how much she means to me. I just love her so much but the gap between us is so wide that I couldn’t be 100% real with her. Let me try to sleep Goodnight. *tosses and turns for hours*

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